Blazin Betty

the mess you left...

2004-10-21T23:42:00.000-07:00

i want you to know that i'm happy for you
i wish nothing but the best for you both
an older version of me
is she perverted like me
would she go down on you in a theater
does she speak eloquently
and would she have your baby
i'm sure she'd make a really excellent mother
cause the love that you gave that we made
wasn't able to make it enough for you to be open wide, no
and every time you speak her name
does she know how you told me you'd hold me
until you die, til you die
but you're still alive
and i'm here to remind you
of the mess you left when you went away
it's not fair to deny me
of the cross i bear that you gave to me
you, you, you oughta know
you seem very well, things look peaceful
i'm not quite as well, i thought you should know
did you forget about me mr. duplicity
i hate to bug you in the middle of dinner
it was a slap in the face how quickly i was replaced
are you thinking of me when you fuck her
cause the joke that you laid in the bed that was me
and i'm not gonna fade
as soon as you close your eyes and you know it
and every time i scratch my nails down someone else's back i hope you feel it
now can you feel it
and i'm here to remind you
of the mess you left when you went away
it's not fair to deny me
of the cross i bear that ayou gave to me
you you you oughta know

-alanismorrisette

i loved hard once

2004-10-10T23:12:00.000-07:00

you see i loved hard once
but the love wasn't returned
i found out the man i'd die for
he wasn't even concerned
and time it turned
he tried to burn me like a perm
though my eyes saw the deception
my heart wouldn't let me learn
from um, some, dumb woman,was i
and everytime he'd lie
he would cry and inside i'd die
my heart must have died a thousand deaths
compared myself to toni braxton
thought i'd never catch my breath
nothing left
he stole the heart beating from my chest
i tried to call the cops
that type of thief you can't arrest
pain suppressed will lead to cardiac arrest
diamonds deserve diamonds
but he convinced me i was worth less
when my peoples would protest
i told them mind their business
cause my shit was complex
more than just the sex i was blessed
but couldn't feel it like when i was caressed
i'd spend nights clutching my breasts
overwhelmed by God's test
i was God's best contemplating death with a gillette
but no man is ever worth the paradise manifest

-lauryn hill

i'm a fake.

2004-10-09T22:58:00.000-07:00

small simple safe price
rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
this is not a small cut that scabs and dries and flakes and heals
and i am not afraid to die
im not afraid to bleed and fuck and fight
i want the pain of payment
whats left but a section of pygmy sized cuts
much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
would you be my little cut
would you be my thousand fucks
and make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
to fill and spill over and under my thoughts
my sad sorry selfish cry out to the cutter
im cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
love is not like anything
especially a fucking knife
like i fell you can tell
by the way i move my head
do you think that its me
or its not me i dont even care
im alive
i swear im the cleanest i have ever been
i feel pain
i feel
just look at me
look at me now
im a fake
im a fake
im a fake

-theused

always

2004-09-26T21:55:00.000-07:00

i know you think that i shouldn't still love you
i'll tell you that
but if i didn't say it
well, i'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

i promise i'm not trying to make your life harder
or return to where we were

well i will go down with this ship
and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door
i'm in love and always will be

i know i left too much mess
and destruction to come back again
and i caused nothing but trouble
i understand if you can't talk to me again
and if you live by the rules of it's over
then i'm sure that that makes sense...but

i will go down with this ship
and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door
i'm in love and always will be

and when we meet
as i'm sure we will
all that was then
will be there still
i'll let it pass
and hold my tongue
and you will think
that i've moved on

well i will go down with this ship
and i won't put my hands up and surrender
there will be no white flag above my door
i'm in love...
and always will be.

-dido

night.

2004-08-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain -- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
O luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night.

-robert frost

untitled3

2004-08-04T08:46:00.000-07:00

smoking a cigarette
because you didn't call
tearing down every
snapshot on my wall
slashing my wrists
shaking my head
i don't have the strength
to will myself dead

-sed

she will be loved

2004-07-19T21:28:00.000-07:00

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else
I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I've had you so many times but somehow
I want more
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get insecure
It doesn't matter anymore
It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want
I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved
I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

men - maya angelou

2004-07-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I used to
Watch behind the curtains
As men walked up and down the street. Wino men, old men.
Young men sharp as mustard.
See them. Men are always
Going somewhere.
They knew I was there. Fifteen
Years old and starving for them.
Under my window, they would pause,
Their shoulders high like the
Breasts of a young girl,
Jacket tails slapping over
Those behinds,
Men.
One day they hold you in the
Palms of their hands, gentle, as if you
Were the last raw egg in the world. Then
They tighten up. Just a little. The
First squeeze is nice. A quick hug.
Soft into your defenselessness. A little
More. The hurt begins. Wrench out a
Smile that slides around the fear. When the
Air disappears,
Your mind pops, exploding fiercely, briefly,
Like the head of a kitchen match. Shattered.
It is your juice
That runs down their legs. Staining their shoes.
When the earth rights itself again,
And taste tries to return to the tongue,
Your body has slammed shut. Forever.No keys exist.
Then the window draws full upon
Your mind. There, just beyond
The sway of curtains, men walk.
Knowing something.
Going someplace.
But this time, I will simply
Stand and watch.
Maybe.

- maya angelou

untitled II

2004-07-14T13:04:00.000-07:00

shaken
to the bone
quaking
fantasies
crashing into
black walls
disappearing into
red clay dust
through my fingers
realizing that these
bricks
do not crumble
that these lies
never end
and this smile
is worth nothing
a life
with no halls
no staircases
no paths
just walls
fences
bars
i'm leaving
tonight

-sed

untitled

2004-07-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

guilt and glory
pride and pain
tied up in
this anger and shame
holding out
but whos to blame
i waited forever
and nobody came.

-sed

...

2004-07-12T22:24:00.000-07:00

There are parts of me he'll never know
My wild horses and my river beds
And in my throat voices he'll never hear-heathernova